Mythological Games in Switzerland

The Chudamani

Switzerland, July 2004-

Being the only assistant in the small crew, I was overwhelmed with work of different departments on this outdoor shoot. On this day we had wrapped early. When I entered the dining area of the hotel where everyone gathered to relax after the days shoot, I found a group in the right corner engaged in some board game and playing it with a great enthusiasm. On one side was Shahrukh and on the other side was Farah Khan. There was Pam Aunty, Payal, Vaibhavi Merchant, Anil Mehta sir and some other top names of the industry playing the game. They were playing in a fun spirit and yet by their comments one could sense the competition between them. 

The questions being asked covered various fields of science, entertainment, sports, religion and mythology. At one point Farah asked a mythological question which seemed like a complete bouncer and no one was expected to know the answer. So to get things going she asked "Kisi ko aata hai jawab ya points le lein?" before she could discard the question, I called out - "Daksha". All eyes turned on me. After a few seconds Farah said in her usual dry tone - "Achha guess kiya ,... sahi jawab hai!".  I moved on and sat on another table to make the call sheets.

After that round of game was over, they began making new teams. As I was working against time to finish my work, I heard my name called out. Shahrukh had chosen me in his team. I wanted to opt out there was much to do. Srk saw my reluctance and said "Arre call sheet jaane de, ek din nahi diya to chalega.." Farah said dryly "Waise bhi tu kaunsa time pe aata hai.." To which Yashji sitting on another side began laughing.

Giving one answer was fine.. but I wasn't sure I knew all the answers to questions on mythology or religion despite my deep interest in it. 

The game began. I sensed the competition and will to win despite outer niceties. Srk is very intelligent in quiz games and the team went along well until Farah asked the question "Which avatar of Vishnu existed during both the Ramayana and Mahabharata periods?" Unlike other questions this one was met with a muted response. I quickly scanned my memory and said "Parashuram," to which Srk immediately repeated 'Parashuram' as if he knew it too. Farah's look, which was one of - 'this ones in the bag', changed, and she said - "Correct!"

The game progressed further with a lot of tiffs and arguments till things became a bit tense. At another critical point she asked another mythological question - "What did Sita give to Hanuman to show Lord Rama as proof of meeting her.?" Immediately Shahrukh said - "Her ring," which the rest of the team agreed to. Farah was about to give the verdict, when I said to Srk that this may be incorrect. Lord Rama gave the ring but Sitaji is said to have given an ornament she wore on her hair. I do not know what that ornament is called, but on it was studded the gem famously called - the Chudamani. 

Srk wasn't sure about this, he felt it was the ring. The team agreed with him. I was feeling pressured as Farah wanted us to answer quickly with a time limit decided in our last argument. Srk said - "Pakka maloom hai tujhe.." Some other person confidently emphasised that "it was her ring,.. just answer that!" But I looked at Srk and repeated what what I knew.  Srk changed his answer to Chudamani! To which Farah said - "Wrong answer!" I wanted to bury myself. Srk asked for the right answer to which she said - "Shikhamani!" 

Srk said that this is what he said that its the ornament of the hair! I  explained that Shikhamani maybe an assumed name, but it was called the Chudamani and began to describe it -"It is about this big in size, a bit oval and honey coloured, not exactly honey coloured but a bit like...."

They were all curiously looking at me and Farah put their look into words saying "Tu aise bol raha hai jaise tune khud dekha hai?"  I withdrew my point, as the game came to an end.

I cannot recall who won but that night as I tried finishing my work my mind kept going to the summer just a few months back that I had spent in Brindavan.

Swami had come to Brindavan as He usually does and I had the opportunity of serving at His residence - Trayee. One evening after the bhajans at the Trayee sessions, I was alone sitting guarding the interview door which was open, while all other boys were sitting at the main door attending the Trayee session. I could hear the laughs, claps and occasional sounds of awe from within the house. At one point the energy changed.. I sensed a great deal of excitement almost flooding out from the house. When I looked up at the sevadal boys, they had all gone on their knees trying to see something in great excitement. 

I wanted to rush over, but couldn't leave my place out of a sense of duty. Then I looked at my leader Harish, who in excitement motioned me to come over. In a nano second I was there. Swami was walking amongst the boys, the staff and VIPs showing something.. and such was my good fortune that I reached there just at the time Swami was closest to us. I saw with my own eyes a glittering jewel, smooth, almost emanating a glow from within. To my eyes it seemed honey coloured, but it could also be because I saw Swami's palm through it. Having seen the created I switched my attention to the creator who was still moving around showing the jewel to the other boys looking at it curiously.

When Swami sat back on the jhoola, the gentleman who was speaking said in awe and with folded hands that "We all have been privileged to see the Chudamani which Ma Sita had given to Hanuman to show to Lord Ramachandra as proof of having met her!"

The Chudamani

Of Dreams and Divine visions

May 27th, 2017

This morning while having a conversation with my sister, she shared a dream that she had a couple of days after Navratri.

“I saw a dream of Divine Mother. It was a majestic vision of Her sitting on a rock with one leg folded and the other down. Behind her sat an enormous lion. 

I approached and sat at Her feet, taking it in my hands and pressing them as I looked at Her beautiful presence. In my mind a thought occurred that I should ask Her about my daughter T. But before I could ask, She read my mind and said “She is my daughter.. I always look after her.”

I replied “Mother have I brought her up well?” 

She smiled and gestured with Her hand and nod of Her head that I have done well.

I then asked “Mother what should we teach children to make them good human beings?”

Mother replied in chaste Hindi-

“Do not lie.

Without faith, worship and prayers are meaningless.

Avoid bad company.

Do not rejoice at others sufferings, be happy at others happiness.

Do not complain always. Believe that whatever I do for you will be for your good.

Take care of your elders; to give them peace is your duty.

Whatever you do today, do with the awareness that you will reap the fruits of your action soon. Keep an eye on your own karmas.

You will always receive fruits of your earnest efforts.

Patience makes life easier. Patience during sorrows keeps the mind peaceful. Patience during good times will prevent rise of ego/arrogance. Patience is great strength. 

Always remember that I keep an eye on My children at all times. Listen carefully always to your inner voice emanating from your conscience.”

As a parting note She said “No matter what, I will surely give T the fruits of her labour. Have faith in my words.”

As the dream ended I woke up feeling very clear. It was 5:45 am in the morning.

Curious to know more, I asked my sister to describe the appearance of Divine Mother.

“Her presence was absolutely radiant, indescribable. No artist, no poet, could ever capture Her beauty. It transcends all imagination.” She continued, “She wore rich red robes, and Her jewelry gleamed with a divine brilliance. Her tejas (radiance) was as bright as the sun, yet soothing and gentle. When She raised Her hands in blessing, I noticed how small and delicate they were. Her words, spoken in shuddh (pure) Hindi.”

Intrigued, I asked for an example. My sister shared one of Mother's statements: “Bina vishwas ke prarthna, pooja nirarthak hai” (Without faith, prayers and worship are meaningless). 

She further shared that what truly captured her attention was the majestic lion seated behind the Divine Mother. “He was a striking figure—regal, fierce, yet utterly tranquil, as if guarding Her with quiet devotion. His eyes..” she said, “glowed with an almost otherworldly brilliance.”

The purpose of sharing this story isn't simply to recount a dream; rather, it is to highlight a mystical interaction between the Divine and an ordinary person. We often think of God as distant, elusive, but through my studies of spiritual phenomena, I've encountered many accounts where the Divine reaches out to humans in deeply personal ways.

Naturally, I wondered why such a vision had come to her.

When I asked my sister if she had done anything to invoke this blessing, she admitted that for many years now, she experiences a special darshan (divine vision) after Navratri. Usually, it is Swami who appears, but this time it was the Divine Mother. Interestingly, she confessed that she doesn't follow the traditional Navratri rituals as closely as others in our family. She once prayed to Swami, asking not to observe rituals just for the sake of it but only when she felt truly inspired. As a result, she was uncertain why this grace was bestowed upon her.

She went on to mention that her daughter, T (my niece), while not particularly religious or spiritual, yet has a profound and personal connection with Lord Shiva and Ma Parvati. Every Monday, without prompting from anyone in the family, she makes it a point to visit a nearby Shiva temple to offer her prayers.

She shared another incident. 

When T was little, she fell gravely ill, suffering from a jaundice-related ailment that left her weak and unable to keep any food or water down. Her stomach was in constant pain, and sleep was nearly impossible. The doctors were concerned and advised my sister to take great care. One night, as my sister was tending to her, my niece asked her mother to rest, promising to wake her if she needed anything. Reluctantly, my sister fell asleep.

Late at night, my niece awakened needing to go to the restroom, but she didn’t want to disturb her mother. As she turned to get up, she was astonished to see a regal woman, whom she instantly recognized as Mata (Divine Mother), sitting by her bedside in a red saree, gently massaging her stomach. Thinking her illness was playing tricks on her mind, she made her way to the restroom, drank some water, and returned to the room, still leaning against the walls for support due to her weakness. To her astonishment, the Mother was still there, sitting in the same place. Too tired to process what she was seeing, she thought of lying down first and then gazing at Mothers form. Remarkably,  the moment her head touched the pillow, she fell into a deep, peaceful sleep; for the first time in days.

It is natural to question the authenticity of such experiences— but the test of such an event lies in its effect. My sister’s dream wasn’t just about seeing the Divine Mother; it was about the wisdom imparted. What was shared with her resonates deeply with the teachings of our scriptures. My sister, ever self-reflective, admits that the insights she received were not something she had previously considered or meditated on herself, and she experienced the deep wisdom of those words even as Mother spoke them.

A sevadal friend, Santosh, once shared an intriguing experience with me. He had been asked to escort a sadhu for darshan at Ramesh Hall in Brindavan. After the darshan, Santosh found the Sadhu looking perplexed. Sensing something was amiss, Santosh inquired if all was well? The sadhu, with a tone of awe, replied that he could not see the Her clearly during the darshan. Curious, Santosh inquired further, and the sadhu explained that the Divine Mother’s jewelry shone with such overwhelming brilliance that it obscured Her form from him.

Now thoroughly confused, Santosh asked, “But did you see Swami?” The sadhu pointed to a nearby photograph of Swami and asked, “Is this the form you see when you have darshan?”

“Of course,” Santosh replied, “What did you see?”

The sadhu, with quiet reverence, responded, “I saw Ma Bhagwati walking among us. Her presence - beyond majestic, Her aabhushans (ornaments) gleaming with such intensity, as if each one held the light of many suns.” 

This statement compliments the narrative of the above dream.

Another similar case is from my own childhood. I was studying in a boarding school in Panchgani, when one night I had the most memorable dream. 

I found myself in a mystical environment what seemed like a time beyond night and day. Before me lay Lord Vishnu in His reclining form, resting on the Ksheer Sagar (the Ocean of Milk). His feet were close to me and His head away from me. His body was beautiful blue and He appeared to be in a state of deep repose, His eyes closed and a soft smile playing on His lips. 

What distracted me from gazing at His appealing form was Adishesha. As I was at the feet of Lord Vishnu, Adishesha's hood was nearly over me as well. It was a beautiful yet frightening spectacle. Its hood of many faces was bejeweled and shone with many colors. Though not menacing, the sheer size and presence of the serpent filled me with awe and a touch of fear. I remember covering my eyes from it and trying to see Lord Vishnu though my fingers. A radiant light emanated from His chest, and while I didn’t know why at the time, I somehow knew it was coming from a jewel He wore. The scene felt otherworldly, as if I was no longer on Earth but in a divine realm beyond the grasp of ordinary reality. 

As the dream got over it caused me to wake up spontaneously. I found all the other children sleeping in my dorm and I realised it is still very early morning.

One might dismiss this as a child’s imagination, but here’s the intriguing part: I was only in the first grade at the time. I knew of Lord Vishnu, but not Adishesha, or the Ksheer Sagar or Vaikuntha. It was not within my understanding to conjure such vivid imagery, yet as I grew older, I realized that the details I had seen matched the descriptions of Lord Vishnu reclining on the serpent in the cosmic ocean. Even the radiant jewel on His chest, which I later learned was the Kaustubha, was exactly as I had seen it in the dream—so bright it almost obscured His face.

Dreams are a strange phenomenon. Often we have dreams which just reflect back to us our everyday life events. But every now and then we somehow access deeper realms and experience something uncommon. While our physical body rests, our astral bodies can take our dim awareness to various subtle regions, sometimes even penetrating the causal worlds where Divine realms exist. 

My Guru often said that whenever we sincerely think of God, it elicits a response from Him in some way. Swami once taught that the amount of time we spend in sincere connection with God during our waking hours is the same amount of time God spends with us in our deep, subconscious moments, whether or not we are fully aware of it when we awaken. 

It makes one wonder: Is God truly distant from us, or is this distance merely an illusion of our own making? The divine realm may be much closer to us than we think. Nor is it exclusive to the saintly class . The everyday people are after all God’s children too.

In the Heart - 2

Mt Kailash ~ Majestic and Shy

                                                                Continued from In the Heart - 1

As if the endless walk towards the base was not enough, the heavens opened up pouring hail from the sky which was followed by an intense but thankfully brief spell of shower. The air suddenly turned chilly. I felt grateful for the waterproof clothes and the thermals within.

Sabu, my cameraman friend, our sherpa and I resumed our journey to the base. My mind was occupied with what took place at the Dolmo la pass.  “He is Shiva”, “She is Shakti” - I kept repeating this to myself as I crossed any male or female. I felt a sense of awe at the revelation though I knew well that unless I could translate this experience to an everyday approach with people known and close to me in my world, it would be of little use.

Walking along, at one point I found myself alone. There was no human presence in front or behind me as far as the eyes could see. Am I on the right path? Did I lose my way? Our guides, during a presentation in our hotel in Nepal mentioned to us that they have witnessed during the numerous koras that if a devotee finds himself alone and is overwhelmed or fearful of having lost their way, a mountain dog will fall in step with the devotee and give him company till some other human comes in sight. I was in for a surprise.

Somewhere along my path, a beautiful, fluffy and rather large rabbit hopped out of the grassy greens onto the path and began hopping in front of me. Its luxurious fur was brown and pure white in colour. The funny thing is it acted curious as well as cautious of me and would hop in front and then stop at a distance, look behind, wait for me to catch up and then hop again as if I was trying to catch it. This drama was very enjoyable. I marvelled at how and why this little creature choose to give me company. Soon it left as abruptly as it had appeared. When I looked in the distance, sure enough I saw my sherpa sitting on a distant rock waiting for me.

The never-ending journey continued and finally - Home Base! Or so I thought finding two of our sherpas sitting casually conversing with one another. But they informed me that our base was yet 30 mins away. They had been sent with some tea to serve us as refreshment knowing that we were walking and shooting our film at the same time and would be exhausted. I was deeply touched at the gesture and relished the 2 teas - a masala chai and a ginger flavour, much favoured by most in our group. We shared the tea with other few pilgrims - the Shivas and the Shaktis, as they crossed us by. Our journey resumed. It was getting dark. A few laborious steps more and we were finally Home!

I was completely drained. A friend called out my name. I could see the bright smile on her face as she greeted me with an embrace knowing I had done the arduous second day of the Kora on foot. So numb was I that I was hardly conscious of my body or the embrace but became aware of something else. 

Even in that fatigued state, I felt a warm tingly sensation at the heart region. Almost like a low voltage current flowing into my heart from her heart like a gushing stream of light. It was such an astonishing experience. At first I thought that it had something to do with her and that she must be an elevated soul to be able to do this. But after her around 7-8 more friends and fellow Kailash pilgrims embraced me and the feeling of this stream of light flowing to and fro my heart kept growing. I realised the scriptural truth behind the science of an embrace. The purpose of an embrace is to connect the heart chakras of two souls. It is spiritually the highest form of gesture to show love. Thus it is that when Sri Rama wanted to show His love for Hanuman, He embraced Him. Perhaps my numb state of body permitted me to recognise this subtle exchange which is otherwise lost to us in our gross body awareness. In the region of Kailash such experiences and awareness was effortlessly possible.

Connecting the heart Chakra - Hugging Mohanji @ Mansarovar

The leader of our group, a saintly figure - Mohanji, who had been keeping us spiritually oriented on this journey, asked for us. We greeted him as he kindly spoke to us and blessed us for our efforts. Skipping dinner, I crashed upon the first bed available, set up in a humble and rustic cowshed. A friend came over and kindly massaged my head, given the constant headache one feels in the high altitude. I fell asleep immediately and then had the experience which was the crowning glory of my trip.

Just a night before we had had the privilege of sleeping very close to the most visible part of Mt Kailash, the north face. This night in my dreams I had a visitation of the embodiment of Shiva Shakti. As I slept, I found Baba appear in my dream, in a very young and handsome form looking intently at me with a smile on his face which seemed to say “So, you did it!” I hurriedly approach Him to greet Him and He loving patted my cheeks as He use to in my days with Him in Trayee Brindavan. I woke up the next day still feeling the gentle sting of His pat on my cheek. The dream soared my spirits as I readied my tired body for the last days trek.

Before I began, I realised that this was the last day of this journey around Kailash. In my attempt to overcome the obstacles of the journey, I (and i guess most of us) had forgotten to enjoy the journey itself. So this day I decided to take it easy as the last day was an easy walk  compared to other days. 

I walked my path more in awareness of the mountains, streams, the flora and fauna, the beautiful blue skies and nature around me. I stopped every now and then and lay on the grassy mound looking at the sky, feeling the sun, closing my eyes, breathing the air, listening to the awesome silence. The beauty around me was breathtaking. The thought of leaving this paradise was depressing; going back to the chaotic world seemed like entering darkness.

  

Sitting on the grounds, soaking in Kailash - 3rd day of Kora

I walked even slower fearing the end would come soon. At this stage the Kailash was no longer visible to the eye, though its presence was strongly felt. Knowing the end to be near, I stopped and faced the sacred mountain, went on my knees and tried to connect with the same divine energy which had so generously made itself available yesterday. I prayed deeply asking it to keep me here with it, that this felt like home. The thought of the world with all its agendas seemed repulsive. I pleaded like a child. 

In an instant that energy in all its strength was there once again. In a fatherly way it declared -

“Why fear the darkness of the world, for now each of you carry the light of Kailash within. Know that light to be within you always and spread it to all until you realise not else but the light that you truly are!”

Once again the image of a golden Kailash seemed to impress upon my consciousness. I understood that geography had no bearing on the truth. That the truth was within me and it was for me to realise it wherever divine providence had placed me. Deeply uplifted I walked along reaching the end of my most blessed journey.

At the end of my sacred adventure,, with 86 other Gods and Goddesses

Truth be told, a small part of me doubted my experiences. I wondered if the high mountain airs and my tiredness caused me to hallucinate. I did not share any of these experiences with anyone, holding it deep within me revisiting it again and again to see if its impact on me lost its power with time. But even with passing time, I still felt the awe recalling what I had experienced, and never could shrug it off as my imagination. Eventually my everyday life overwhelmed my mind and I lost awareness of the sacred message... until the mountains drew me to them and gave me this message yet again; this time in …

Badrinath Temple, July 2015

A temple is a mirror reflecting  God within each one of us..

As I sat at the foot of the sanctum sanctorum, absorbing the wisdom that I was graced with, I decided to put things to one final test.

Throughout this journey I was carrying prayer requests on behalf of acquaintances who were suffering various challenges in life. In all my prayers I was not able to successfully let go and surrender these requests to God. They would remain with me, worry me and bear heavy on my being. So, I thought, if my experience in this temple was true, then I should be able to pray on behalf of all those people and at the end get up feeling light and relieved, convinced that my prayers were heard and that all those people would be taken care of.

With that, I closed my eyes and one by one remembered those in need, putting their prayers forward to the divine presence that one could tangibly feel in the temple. Unlike other times, this time I did receive a response.

As I visualised the person I prayed for, surrendering him or her to God, I saw a bright light emerging from their heart, expanding and overwhelming their being to an extent that the person himself was lost in its sea of brightness. This pure light was full of strength, wisdom, love and optimism. No amount of doubts could shrug off this image from my mind. It was a very encouraging and heartening sight. I tried to see where the problems of the person were in face of this light. To my surprise, I could see they still existed, even though in a very minuscule form, although it was easy to know that the light could overwhelm the darkness easily.. yet it remained. I realised then that the problems and issues in form of this darkness has its place and karmic purpose in those peoples lives. 

The Light ~ around you, within you, is you..

  

Yet again an inner voice explained -

“This is the true state of every being in this world. Darkness co-exists with light. Humans focus only on the little darkness that they have invited into their lives; whereas Saints, who are awaken to truth, focus solely on the light which is their true nature. It is for this reason that Saints can cross through this difficult world unconcerned with all the troubles and obstacles that confront them. They choose to live in awareness of the truth that they were, are and ever will be sustained and protected by the light of God which is ever within them around them and is them. This is your truth too and of all the people you pray for.”

I opened my eyes and looked into the sanctum sanctorum. This time to my joy I felt relieved of the burden that I had been carrying around with me. I felt my prayers had been heard and all those people would be taken care of in a way which was for their highest good. I quickly bowed to the alter, made a small offering and got up in order to give way to others in the vast crowds behind me. 

The Unexpected Grace - The Tulsi garland

“Hey Boy”, a voice called me from behind. As I turned, the priest from within the sanctum flung something at me which I had seen him remove from the idol of Sri Badrinath. I caught it and found it was a garland of tulsi leaves which until sometime ago was adorning the handsome form of the idol. Considering this unexpected grace and most precious of prasad as a further proof of the inner communion of the day, I left the temple.

From that day, I tried not to focus on physical darshan of the sacred vigraha in the temple. Sometimes when it was crowded, I sat outside by the side of the temple, meditating upon the Badri form within me. At other times I found myself accompanying those guests who were privileged to receive an invitation to witness the early morning abhishekam within the temple. 

Thats me in the corner - Finding my religion

I knew well that this experience was not the end, but a beginning. The real challenge would now be to live it daily. If maya confronts me with its charms would I be able to remember the presence of the light within me?

A year has now passed and I have fallen and risen many times. Its been nearly 11 months since I wrote the first part of this blog. Frankly, this blog has not revealed anything new under the sun. I am convinced that many souls visiting this sacred realm have experienced such grace in greater measures. And yet I was unsure if I should reveal these experiences at all.. but I have, knowing it to be the truth. 

God is around you, within you, is you, here and now, if you choose to accept this reality as your own. This truth and blessing belongs to everyone. And so I write these words sharing them with you, while sitting at the sacred Mt. Kailash and Badrinath…. The Kailash and Badri in the Heart!

Post Script ~

A few days after my writing this post, I chanced upon the following extracts from a book of spiritual experiences that I was reading. Quote -

"..during meditations, I started receiving very clear messages in form of thoughts. Initially I had great difficulty describing my experience. Since I was not hearing a voice through my ears and I was not seeing a person talking I couldn't tell exactly what was happening where the information was coming from. After several attempts I was able to describe it as a thought in my own mind, but it definitely was not my own thought because some of the things I heard I can hardly comprehend leave out being able to think about them on my own. Though it was not a voice that is normally heard by ears but it gave a voice like feeling. I was able to tell the gender of the voice. from the fluctuations in the tone I could also tell whether it sounded happy, serious or joking etc."

On Healing - " God is in every person. God does not suffer. There is no suffering of the Atman. It is the mind and body when not controlled that goes through sufferings. Sufferings are also due to Prarabdha Karma."

It seemed as if this was brought to my attention to confirm my own experiences, since I was very hesitant to bring it out in the blog. 

In the Heart - 1

It began with a call I received late one night. 

“Do you think you can come to Badrinath? By Swami’s grace we are conducting an Athi Rudra Maha yagna there.. It will be an event worth capturing.”

A month later I found myself yet again in the deeps and highs of my beloved Himalayas. 

The sacredness, purity and cool airs of the mighty mountains took me back a year when I found myself at the feet of Lord Shiva at Kailash. This year it was Sri Vishnu who had summoned me to His abode to celebrate a Rudra yagna.

Like all grand sacred events, this one too welcomed us with a shower of rain. A fall of a drop and the temperature sinks to freezing cold. The Yagna fire caused warmth in the heart for more than one reason. Listening to the Rudra mantras and moving amongst heat generated by the 11 yagnakundas can cause the consciousness to elevate beyond measure as the mind becomes a mute spectator, bedazzled by the purity of the occasion.

And yet there was something which caused me deep concern. I had not come alone, but was carrying with me various prayer requests to be offered to the Lord on behalf of various friends and people known to me closely, who were assailed by numerous problems- the sickness of a child, a wife concerned about her husbands health, a sweet lady bearing numerous pains in her failing body, a beautiful couple distraught at the state of their handsome little son considered abnormal by societal standards, friends carrying social/marital problems and others. Thinking about these issue bore heavy on my state of being. The high state of consciousness experienced in the yagna shala during the day was offset by the low feeling of gloom that I felt in the evening as I pondered over these issues. 

I tried to surrender these urgent requests during my meditations but they returned and would always loom on my mind. With problems like these, the world seemed a heavy place to live in. I just couldn't let go of these thoughts. A state of semi-depression persisted.

Part of the Yagna blessings was that the temple authorities of Badrinath had graciously permitted us to chant the Sri Vishnusahasranama in the temple precincts. 

On one such evening after the chanting and the deep meditation that followed, I entered the temple to have my first glimpse of Lord Badri Vishal as He is referred to in those regions.  Like all major temples of India this one too was over crowded with people. Each person was trying his/her best to get a glimpse of the presiding deity. Naturally there was a degree of pushing and shoving and unfair tactics at play. Any state of calm, gathered in the meditation was lost as I tried my best to crane and stretch and steal a glimpse of the Vigraha. It suddenly occurred to me as to how we were behaving. I wondered what use there is of travelling thousands of miles to these remote regions and then to jostle and push through crowds to see the divine? Where is the devotion, the discipline? To what end do I wish to see the form of the Lord given the chaos in my mind? 

Perhaps if I removed myself from the temple, the others would find at least some more space to enjoy the darshan. With this thought I mentally bowed before Lord Badri, and began making my way out through the crowd towards the exit.

The Divine had other plans.

One of our chief priests, Sri Sekhar who was within the barricades guiding and explaining the devotees the history of the temple, saw me and motioned me to come within. Not too sure, I decided to go with the flow and made my way in. There was no crowd here. I could sit at the boundary of the door to the inner sanctum, the closest one could get, with an uninterrupted view of the divine figure.

I held my gaze one pointedly on the diamond eyes of the Lord, and continued thinking that to what end do we come to these temples? If God is within me why do I travel distances to see Him in numerous forms? Is this a delusion too? 

Amidst these troubling thoughts, I suddenly found the presence of a clear light within, coming from the sanctum sanctorum in form of an intuitive understanding. An unspoken voice expressed:

“Temples such as these have a role to play in the divine human drama. These temples act as mirrors. When a devotee stands humbly before the altar, it reflects back the divinity within each of us. It shows the devotee the presence of the divine in the sanctum sanctorum of his heart, for that is where God has always truly been. But man has forgotten. The temples remind him. Is this not the reason why when a devotee after travelling miles, comes to a temple and  beholding the idol with his eyes, he then closes them and journeys within?

“In a temple, more than darshans of the divine with the eyes, one should have an inner attunement with the heart. Attune with devotion. Why worry about the crowds? Maya has its role to play, even in a temple. It disturbs your attention with crowds of people in the outer world and crowds of restless thoughts in the inner world. Be undisturbed, be even. Since ages humans have come to this temple to learn the truth that the real Badri is within.. in each and every one of you. If you understand this simple truth, then know your journey to be blessed and fulfilled!”

As I grasped what I received, I had goosebumps. This was not the first time I was hearing these words. I had heard them before, in similar circumstances, at the same time - one year back, from the same source - at Mt. Kailash.

Day 2, Dolmo La Pass, 19500 ft, Mt Kailash.

All my preparations at the physical and mental level had lead me to this hour. And it had failed me. 

Sheer fatigue overwhelmed my being as I climbed the seemingly unclimbable Dolmo la pass. I began regretting wanting to do the whole pradakshina on foot. I began regretting not taking the allopathic medicines to attune to the altitude. Summoning my last reserve of energy I finally climbed the top. After taking deep breaths of the low oxygen air I asked my sherpa “So this is it!” He looked at me pitifully and turning his head right he pointed towards the sky. I looked at the direction to see a peak and an ant like formation of humans who were laboriously climbing it. That was my destination.

View en-route the Dolmo La Pass

I choose not to elaborate the battle I fought with every step I took. For the first time in my life my body had failed me. My sense of devotion was gone. I was no longer chanting the mantra that I had received in my meditations* to be chanted during the kora. I was angry at Shiva (Auspiciousness) and Shakti (Divine Energy) for I was convinced they had forsaken me. There were others like me who were struggling on foot. But the locals were indefatigable. Old, almost ancient tibetan women in their 60’s and 70’s passed me by carrying children on their back, giving me their wrinkly smiles of encouragement. Some patted me on my back, some said words of encouragement in their dialect, others dug into their bag and gave me herbs which they said would help me. 

One step after the other, I finally reached the summit of my journey - The Dolmo la Pass, 19500 ft above sea level. As I crashed upon the nearby inviting rock, I closed my eyes and let go of my body and mind and became nothingness. Let me state in no uncertain words that I was not meditating or praying. I was purely tired. 

Moments passed and then it happened.

In the quietness of my being, I felt an unmistakable presence of a pure energy. Like a sharp ray of light in a dark cave, I heard its intuitive message of light beam into my being uninvited, and its unspoken message became part of my deeper understanding.  

It conveyed to the effect:

“You have been summoned, thousands of miles away from your home to these parts to impress upon you a single truth. The Kailash you always sought, is within you. The Shiva and Shakti principle is within you, and within every single human you encounter in life. If you assimilate and make this truth your own, then know that you have received from Kailash the highest one can receive and know your journey to be a success.” 

The vision of a golden Kailash flashed in my inner being and impressed itself on me.

I opened my eyes.  My tiredness prevented any elation. I became withdrawn as I got up and continued my descent from the peak into the second part of my journey. No longer did I focus on my tired limbs and walked robot like one step after the other in what seemed like an endless journey towards my base. My mind went over and over what I had experienced as I checked and rechecked if I had been hallucinating. But my mind seemed to be in a coma and refused to think let alone create such a profound experience. Above all I had felt the presence within. It was vibrating in my being. 

Any trace of doubts that I had, would be removed that night when I was blessed with a vision of Shiva - Shakti.

To be continued..

*Note : Prior to my kora I was dwelling on what mantra to chant through the kora - the sacred - Om Namah Shivaya, or the shorter - Shivoham, both of which carried the same meaning. In one of my meditations, in my hotel room in Nepal I surrendered this query to God hoping I will receive His will in some sign or form. To my surprise, I received an instant reply. It wasnt either of the mantras, it was a third mantra - Samastha Loka Sukhino Bhavantu. This was what I was suppose to chant during the kora.

I wasn't up for it.. i protested that this was my first trip to Kailash. "Let this trip be about You and me, lets keep the lokas out of it. I can chant that anytime else." But the clarity with which this mantra persisted told me that this was divine will. An understanding came that God, the lokas and I were not separate. Let my blessing be a blessing for all and so I gratefully accepted this as my mantra for the Pradakshina.

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