Sai Diary - 24th - 26th April

I was attending a very sacred ceremony in Mumbai when i first heard news of Swami leaving His form. My whole being rejected the news. I put some calls through to Bangalore and everyone I spoke with, confirmed the news.

An 18 hour bus ride followed, the only mode of transport available, to reach Bangalore and then Parthi, not to participate in any funeral, but to witness, what i was convinced was His Leela. Swami was not 96 yet, He had yet to do many things He had consistently promised He would do; besides some personal promises He had Himself made to me.

I kept looking at the elements around me. The sun, the sky, the earth, the flora n fauna ; none seemed to behave in a way so as to show that Mother Earth had been deprived of Her Lord and Master. I closed my eyes and asked my mind to be honest... Was i in denial?.. was i protecting myself from sorrow and anguish by rejecting this news? No, was the reply. I could overwhelmingly sense His presence all around me. The Swami i saw in my mental picture was smiling mischievously at me, enjoying my state of confusion.  This has to be His leela, and a great One!!

By Monday night i reached Parthi. The ques had reached a length of 5-6 kilometers. It was 36 hours since i had learned about Swami leaving His form. Most devotees felt just like me, convinced that Swami would arise by the third day. Rumors of all sorts were floating around.

In Parthi a local guardian, updated us within the hour about the current status in Parthi. He also mentioned  from his personal knowledge of how Swami in the last few interviews had clearly hinted that something extraordinary was to soon take place. Swami had said something to the effect that "the real drama now begins."  Within a month He was in the ICU.

We were told that the military and police were in charge of managing darshans, not the sevadals. The entry-exit points had been fixed and students and devotees alike had to come in ques. We would have to join the lines, waiting 3-4 hrs and then have darshans. I wasn't keen on seeing Swami's physical form. I was fine with His presence all around. But since He was to me the elder member of my family, i felt duty bound to participate in His leela and do the formalities.

I prayed to Swami, like i always do during big festivals, to see me through the chaos. Each time He ensures i have "front seats" to the party. As we began to proceed to the ques, a thought entered my mind, encouraging me to ask the military guy to let us in from the  Exit/Ganesh gate. I followed my inner prompting and approached the guard, very sure that i would be sternly shown my way back. The guard looked at the 3 of us in whites and kindly said "Wait here, let the crowd reduce". Once the numbers exiting decreased, he immediately shifted the barricade and let us in. We found a small entrance to the kulwant hall, still opened for the students. In 7 minutes we were inside the kulwant hall.

Bhajans were in progress. Swami's form was lying surrounded by a ring of students who were taking turns to sit around His Divine form preventing anyone from getting too close. Devotees were coming in systematically and taking darshans from a distance. Some veranda devotees were taking a parikrama around the Divine form. I sat at a distance and immediately looked up, to be more in tune with Swami's omnipresence. The energy in the hall was incredible. When i closed my eyes it seemed like it was Mahashivratri night and the students were singing bhajans. Swami's strength and joy filled me. There was no trace of sorrow despite seeing His dear form. It seemed as if His light was protecting me.

It was heartening to see students nobly carrying on all duty's alloted to them, some even smiled. The sevadals were kindly helping the devotees get darshans smoothly and quickly. Some boys i knew were busy changing garlands and floral decorations around the hall. Devotees sitting were singing bhajans with gusto. I sat in the veranda with a group of boys, singing bhajans and beholding the Divine form. In some time the boys sitting around Swami got up and the veranda boys went forward to take their places around Swami. I followed and received a seat close to Swami's feet. A large picture of Swami was placed towards the head of the Divine form. There was something about it; Swami looking directly at you. There was a mischievous smile on His lips - He seemed to be enjoying the drama that He created. Waves of energy seemed to be flowing from the Divine form. It could be tangibly felt. I closed my eyes to absorb it. An inner message flashed:

"Know, that the Divine form you see before you was part of my drama. It was a vehicle that I used, made from my sacred 5 elements.

Swami, now if we want to see you, meet you, where do we go?

Look within, you will find Me. And look without with loving eyes. I am in all your brothers, I am in everything around you now. You have seen Me walk amongst you and love you all. Now you must love each other just as i have loved you all."

The last message kept resonanting within me.

Sensing the incredible energies i was inspired to accept it on behalf of all my near and dear ones and all those devotees from around the world who would have wanted to be there but for various reasons couldnt make it. I sent a prayer for all such devotees that they get strength and peace of mind. I sat there all night singing and sitting with dear acqauintances , sharing sweet memories from the past.

Suddenly the hall went quite. It was 5:20 in the morning. A melodious familiar voice wafted through the air. Suprabhatam time!

"Eashwaramba Suta shriman purva sandhya pravartate.......... Sri..... Sathya  Sai Bhagawan... Tava Suprabhatam!!"

A loving call to the Lord, early in the morning, pleading Him to awaken and bless His devotees who were waiting for His darshans..

This time i broke down!

(.. to be cont)

The Autobiography of a Yogi - Behind the scenes

            

Mrinalini Mata (President and Sangha Mata)  

One evening in the Encinitas hermitage, late in 1946, we younger devotees were busily engaged with our kitchen duties when Gurudeva came through the door. All activity stopped and our attention was fully concentrated on his broad smile and an even more beautiful than usual twinkle in his eyes. His hand was behind his back, concealing “something.” He called for a few others to come and had us line up in front of him. Then he displayed before us the hidden treasure — an advance copy of his book, Autobiography of a Yogi. Midst “Oh’s” and “Ah’s” we could scarcely express our joy to behold at last the long-awaited account of his life among the great saints and sages of India — with which he had so often enthralled us during precious hours in his company. He opened to a few pages, saving for last the illustration of Mahavatar Babaji. Almost breathlessly we offered our reverence and absorbed the blessing we felt to be among the first to glimpse the likeness of our Param-Paramguru.

In early December, we were all summoned to Mt. Washington to participate in the arrival of parcels of books from the publisher, and in preparing them for posting to the many eager devotees — hundreds of back orders. Weeks ahead of time when any of us had free moments we were engaged in typing address labels on one of our old manual typewriters. Huge tables (flat boards on sawhorses) were set up in the office, ready for assembly-line wrapping of each individual book in brown mailing paper off a huge roll, hand-cutting it to just the right size, affixing labels and postage stamps moistened first from wet sponges. No automation or mailing machines in those days! But oh what joy to participate in this momentous event in Self-Realization Fellowship history. The world would know our blessed Master through this sublime ambassador.

In the third-floor sitting room, Gurudeva sat at a desk for hours without a break, autographing every book. The books were removed from the publisher’s shipping cartons, opened, and placed before him in a steady stream as he signed each one — emptying one fountain pen while another was being refilled.

It was late when he summoned me to come upstairs. He was still autographing books. The senior disciples urged him to take some rest, but he refused even to consider it until every book in that shipment was signed with his blessings. He had the most beatific expression on his face, as though a very real part of himself and his love for God were going out to all the world in those printed pages, and it should not be withheld one extra moment.

It was with inexpressible joy that we sat at his feet to meditate in the wee hours of the morning. The Master had handed each of us our personal copy of this treasure, and all other copies had been wrapped for mailing in the morning or packed for sending to his temples in Hollywood and San Diego. Autobiography of a Yogi was on its way to a divine destiny, ultimately to carry the Guru’s blessings and love for God to millions of seeking souls.

Brother Bhaktananda 

 

Shortly after I entered the ashram in 1939, Paramahansaji spoke with a couple of us on the verandah of the Administration Building at Mt. Washington. He remarked to us that God told him he was to write certain books during his lifetime; and when those books were finished, his mission on earth would be over. Autobiography of a Yogi was one of those books. When the Autobiography first came out, I read it from cover to cover in a day, or two — how wonderful and inspiring! I remember thinking that this book will play a major role in promoting interest in Paramahansaji’s teachings. To date we have seen only the tip of the iceberg.

Sister Parvati 

I vividly recall when Autobiography of a Yogi was first released. Some time later I asked Paramahansaji if he would write a little thought in my copy. He wrote, “Find the Infinite hidden on the altar of these pages.” Sometimes when I’ve had a specific need, I have opened the Autobiography to some passage and thought, “I don’t remember ever seeing that before!” But it exactly addresses what I had to deal with at the moment. Though I would not have known where to go in the book to find it, it leaps off the page when I need to see it. I have found that the Master’s counsel is really true — you can find the Infinite hidden on the altar of those pages.

The Autobiography of a yogi - Sri Daya Mata

                                                   

Sri Daya Mata 

The writing of Autobiography of a Yogi was a project that took many years of Paramahansaji’s time to complete. When I came to Mt. Washington in 1931, he had already begun work on it. Once when I was in his study attending to some secretarial duties for him I was privileged to see one of the first chapters he wrote — it was about “The Tiger Swami.” Gurudeva asked me to save it because it would be going into a book.

However, the greatest portion of his autobiography was composed during the period 1937–45. Paramahansaji had so many responsibilities and commitments, he was not able to work on his book every day; but in general, he devoted the evenings to it, as well as whatever other free time he was able to put his mind on it. A small group of us — Ananda Mata (below), Shraddha Mata, and myself — were around him much of that time, helping to type the manuscript. After each part was typed, Gurudeva would give it to Tara Mata, who served as his editor.

One day, while working on his autobiography, the Guru told us: “When I have left this world, this book will change the lives of millions. It will be my messenger when I am gone.”

When the manuscript was finished, Tara Mata went to New York to find a publisher for it. Paramahansaji had great respect for her knowledge and for her editorial abilities, and often praised her publicly. He said: “What [she] has done for this book I cannot begin to describe. Before she was to go to New York she fell violently ill. She left for New York just the same. But for her, the book would never have gone through.”

Gurudeva’s reaction to the completion of the book was joy that no words can express. He inscribed my copy, as he did for many of the other devotees who were here in the ashrams. When I received it, I knew, having helped to type the manuscript, that this was an immortal book — one that for the first time revealed hidden truths which had never before been presented in such a clear and inspirational way. No other author has approached Guruji’s explanation of miracles, reincarnation, karma, the afterlife, and the other wonderful spiritual truths contained in its pages.

What would be his reaction to the book’s renown today? He would be humbly touched that Autobiography of a Yogi has reached into all corners of the earth to people of every culture, race, religion, and age, and that it has been received with tremendous acclaim and enthusiasm throughout these fifty years. Though Guruji never dwelt on his own importance, he certainly did believe in the great value of what he wrote — because he knew he was writing Truth.

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Autobiography of a Yogi - Behind the scenes

Understanding meditation - 1 

Understanding meditation - 2

On the Spiritual path

The Autobiography of a Yogi - Sister Shanti

Sister Shanti:

It was 1952, and I was employed as secretary to the assistant manager at the Ambassador Hotel on Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles: a fascinating job in an elite setting where I met a number of world-renowned personalities. But little did I know the impact upon my life the sound of one name would make when spoken in my ear.

On March 6, the secretary of a motion picture producer called the hotel and asked that a message be delivered to Paramahansa Yogananda. The moment I heard that name, a huge “gong-bell” rang in my chest; my head swam, joy welled up in my heart and mind, and I couldn’t even walk straight as I made my way to the reservations desk to arrange for the message delivery. I was told that no one of that name was registered at the hotel, although the Indian Ambassador and his retinue were currently in residence. All the way back to my office the name kept revolving in my consciousness and I became more and more filled with love and joy. After a short time the motion picture producer called and asked, “What name did my secretary give you?” I told him “Paramahansa Yogananda” and he exclaimed, “That’s what I thought I heard him say! That’s not the name I gave him. He doesn’t know why he said that!”

The rest of that day I remained in a strange state of inner awareness and experienced a deep sense of connectedness to that name. Then came March 7, the fateful day of Paramahansa Yogananda’s mahasamadhi. I read about it in the paper and felt that I had lost my best friend. It was devastating! It seemed my life was suddenly over. I kept thinking, I’ve missed him! I’ve waited all my life for him and I missed him! But I didn’t really know what I meant because I wasn’t looking for a teacher or a path. Even so, in the depths of my consciousness I knew it to be true, that I had missed the most important person in my existence.

From that moment on my well-ordered, rather glamorous life no longer suited me. I abruptly canceled important plans, stopped seeing people I knew and started seeking through books. It never occurred to me to see if Paramahansa Yogananda had ever written a book; I simply felt that he was gone and I had missed him. After reading four metaphysically oriented volumes which did not satisfy the depth of my need, I was again searching through the same row of books in the Hollywood Public Library with my mother, who had caught some of the fire that was burning within me. After almost passing the first section, which I felt I had already thoroughly perused, a book fell off the top shelf, hit me on the head, and bounced onto the floor. My mother picked it up and gasped as she turned it toward me — Paramahansa Yogananda’s Autobiography of a Yogi. There before me was the name my heart was reaching for, and the face with eyes that penetrated to the soul!

I read it at night and she read it while I was at work. “Reading” is perhaps inadequate to describe the way we engrossed ourselves in the experience of entering the world of Truth. The origin of life, discipleship, the dispensation of Kriya Yoga — all were made clear in Autobiography of a Yogi.

We attended a service at the Hollywood Temple, which overwhelmed me with the same “presence” that had been so dynamic the morning I first heard the Guru’s name spoken on the telephone. After the service Meera Mata was very gracious in receiving us and after a few moments suggested that I go to Mt. Washington Mother Center and meet her daughter, Mrinalini Mata. We did go and learned about the monastic order, and I was “captured” for the third time — first by Paramahansa Yogananda, second by Autobiography of a Yogi, and now, by the ideal of a life of renunciation devoted to God alone.

After recounting the story about the effect upon me of hearing Paramahansaji’s name on March 6, I learned he had been at the hotel on that morning attending a breakfast for the Ambassador from India, His Excellency Binay R. Sen. That breakfast took place in the room next to my office. The Master was sitting just on the other side of the wall from my desk at the time I received the call and heard his name.

The Guru is calling all of “his own” through his tremendous autobiography. Some of us just take a little too long to respond and have to be hit over the head, as did I! But how blessed is each one of the millions who hears his “voice” and answers his clarion call.

The Autobiography of a Yogi - Bro. Premamoy

Brother Premamoy 

A monastic disciple of Paramahansa Yogananda for more than thirty-five years, Self-Realization Fellowship minister Brother Premamoy was responsible for the spiritual training of young monks of the Order until his passing in 1990. To them he recounted this story. 

Brother Premamoy was born in Slovenia. Because of his family connections with royalty and others of influence, after the Communist takeover of his native land at the end of World War II he was forced to flee. In 1950, the U.S. Department of State invited him to immigrate to America.

Just before sailing to New York in the fall of 1950, Brother Premamoy was given a farewell gift by an old friend of the family, Evelina Glanzmann. The present’s shape led him to assume it was a box of candy, and on board the ship he opened it to share with fellow passengers. To his surprise, the package was not candy, but a book — Autobiography of a Yogi. 

Even though touched by the gift, Brother did not immediately feel inclined to read it. Though he had been a voracious reader when younger, those days were over (he later said that he had read more books before the age of fifteen than he read for the entire rest of his life). Also, he was very familiar with Eastern philosophy, having fallen in love with the Bhagavad Gita when a teenager, and memorizing most of it. Now, seeing the subject matter of this gift book, his first reaction was, “I’m not going to read this — I don’t want to get hooked!”

In America, he became involved in various business undertakings, and was eventually offered a position as personal assistant to Dag Hammarskjöld, Secretary General of the United Nations. (He declined the position before coming to California.) Months went by — and the Autobiography remained on the shelf, unread, at Brother’s home in New York. In the meantime, Mrs. Glanzmann (who was the translator of the Italian edition of the Autobiography) had been asking her friend’s opinion of the book. Still Brother Premamoy did not venture into its pages. Finally Mrs. Glanzmann wrote words to the effect: “Say you like it or say you don’t; but say something!” In a pensive mood — it happened to be his birthday, March 6, and he was pondering what to do with his life — he picked up the book and started to read.

Spellbound, he finished the entire book in one sitting. Recognizing that the author had spiritual insight beyond that of anyone he had ever encountered, Brother decided to write to Paramahansa Yogananda.

Little did Brother Premamoy know that as he mailed the letter, the Guru was living the last day of his earthly life. 

Brother Premamoy learned of the Guru’s passing some time later, when Sri Daya Mata replied to his letter. Several months passed; Brother was unable to get the thought of the book and its author out of his mind, and that summer he decided to drive to Los Angeles to learn more about Paramahansaji’s teachings. As he walked onto the grounds of Self-Realization Fellowship headquarters for the first time, he was immediately approached by a smiling stranger. With a radiant smile, the man affectionately embraced him as if he were an old friend — long expected and most welcome. No words were exchanged, and it was only later that Brother was formally introduced to his new “old friend” — Rajarsi Janakananda, president of the society!
 

Thus, the book that Paramahansaji spoke of as his “ambassador” performed its magic on one more soul — for from that day on, the course of Brother Premamoy’s life was set.

Overcoming Fear – A step towards the Golden Age

Whatever it is that you fear, take your mind away from it and leave it to God.
Have faith in Him. Much suffering is due simply to worry. Why suffer now when
the malady has not yet come?  : Sri Paramahansa Yogananda

A few days back a friend was sharing with me her problems and happened to mention her fear of the expansive desert region, near which she stays.  I was inspired to impress on her that she needed to confront this fear and any other fears she knows she has, as this is essential for her growth, especially in these times.

Later I wondered why I said that. In the following days I got 3 different messages authenticating this very information. 

An Ascended Master’s message said that unless we confront and overcome our fears we will not be able to vibrate high enough to meet the standards of the coming Golden Age. From two other sources I learned that these fears being 3^rd dimensional in nature must be left behind or overcome for any inner progress to take place. They cannot be carried along into the new age. They further advised that all those seeking Ascension during this shift must resort to introspection and then root out any fear based issues within us. This cannot be stressed enough!

PROBLEMS:

Sri Sathya Sai Baba says that all negativities within emerge from Fear and all varieties of goodness and virtues emerge from Love. When a person is in the state of fear, his inner system short circuits, disconnecting him from his divinity. 

When I looked within to see if I had any pending issues I needed to take care of, I was reminded of certain occurrences during my sadhana which sought my attention and needed to be healed.

Every now and then I go on retreats where a few of us engage in spiritual practices for longer periods of time. I noticed that most times when I am able to go deep within, I am confronted with troublesome issues of the past which I had conveniently buried away.  I wondered why these issues would emerge just then when I was in a state of great peace. On one occasion one such issue got to me and I felt like I had turned into a volcano of anger. Probably my inability to deal with this fear and resorting to inner anger gave this fear the required energy because unfortunately for me, a year later, this fear materialized out of the blue, totally unexpectedly, making me face the lowest point of my life. 

A few months back during another long meditation, about 4 hours into it, some other past fear-based issue emerged causing me great distress. Thankfully this time divine understanding came along.

DIAGNOSIS:

I was made to realize that because I had buried these problems within the subconscious, every time I went deep into meditation I would confront these problems which sought solutions without which I would not be able/allowed to progress further. 

I was made to realize that this is not a curse but could be a boon. Unlike last time where I let my ego envelop me in anger; this time I should look at the problem as an opportunity to raise myself higher and from that state seek solution to the problem.

I was made to realize that it is a folly to think that to solve the issue I would need to confront the person or situation causing it. They have NOTHING to do with the issue. In truth I needed to confront myself as the issue is a part of my life because my own karmas permitted it; there is a vital lesson hidden therein, which my soul needs in order to learn and evolve.  As such I must take total responsibility and not feel like a victim, which is ego’s way of escape. Loving acceptance is the first step towards healing.

I was made to realize that the problem need not materialize at the physical level if I could mentally deal with it with a sense of equanimity and loving understanding.

Yesterday I read something from a book called Inner Experiences, which describes the wonderful states of an evolved soul by the name Dolly Baile. Imagine my excitement when I read the following:

"’Develop equal mindedness’. Baba (Her Guru and Inner guide) made her imagine all sorts of good and bad things that could happen to her, happen to our family, house, money etc. and see if and how she could handle it with equanimity.”

Here her Guru is helping her deal with life issues at a mental level! Exactly what I had felt within. The moment I read this I began connecting the dots and was convinced that I was meant to learn this lesson to help myself and perhaps others in the process. I began writing this note so that the few out there (I know many may not resonate with such information) could use this knowledge to their advantage.

SOLUTIONS:

“Look fear in the face, and it will cease to trouble you.”  Swami Sri Yukteswar Giri.

Any fears that come to capture our attention, wants either to take us in its fold, or engage us in a fight of resistance. In either case it succeeds in taking our peace of mind away. If we refuse to give in or engage in a fight, but in a state of calm  detachment confront, accept and lovingly bless the problem... we will find inner victory.

Any issues that cause us fears, anger, hurt, guilt, hatred, humiliation etc are not so much a battle between you and a person or a situation; but is a battle between your ego and your soul. The moment you are able to interpret this and view the problem from the souls perspective of Oneness and Love, the doors of solutions effortlessly open up.

Forgiveness is a powerful tool that leads towards inner healing. This information I received from the Source during the lowest point of my life that I have mentioned above. To recall it briefly:

At a time when I was overwhelmed by an inner avalanche of dark negative emotions that threatened to eat all my sanity away, I found this gentle light within asking me ‘to forgive’. I was indignant!  How could I forgive someone who put me in such a state? The gentle voice then said that ‘forgiveness was not for that person, it was for my own benefit. What that person did was his own karma, what I suffer is mine.. by forgiving I am saying that I am willing to let go in peace this issue which I have caused.  Then and only then can healing begin.’

There are certain fears which are deeply rooted and cannot be dealt with easily. To those who are victims to such fears I strongly recommend the book ‘Cutting the ties that bind’ by Phyllis Krystal.

Mrs. Krystal, a venerable lady of 96 shared that all the information within the book was received by her from inner guidance from a source she refers to as Higher Consciousness or High C, who also told her that ‘this is  new knowledge for the new age’. This book contains very simple yet powerful symbols using which a variety of mental/emotional problems can be effectively dealt with. I myself practice these symbols and find them highly effective.
 

Another simple tool is the Ho’ponopono technique of Hawai as introduced in the book Zero Limits.  The book shares that because the world we see and experience is created by us through our personal perspective, something which the Vedas endorse “Yatha drishti, tatha Shristi” ‘as is your view so is the world you see’; we must also accept and take responsibility for all the fears we experience. The solution to these problems, it explains, is in 4 very simple steps. Tell yourself:

1.   I am sorry (taking ownership of the problem that comes to your awareness and thus apologizing for it.)

2.    Forgive me

3.  I love you (this is the highest tool to seek healing for the problem. Lack of self love is the root cause of all problems)

4.   Thank you

Please try this and you will be surprised how powerful these simple steps are.
  

I hope those who resonate with this message will make every effort to, first introspect, then identify any fear that you have buried within, and finally deal with such fears by confronting them with Love. Remember this subconscious ‘cleansing’ is an important exercise which can prepare you for the coming times of Ascension into the Golden Age.