In the Heart - 2

Mt Kailash ~ Majestic and Shy

                                                                Continued from In the Heart - 1

As if the endless walk towards the base was not enough, the heavens opened up pouring hail from the sky which was followed by an intense but thankfully brief spell of shower. The air suddenly turned chilly. I felt grateful for the waterproof clothes and the thermals within.

Sabu, my cameraman friend, our sherpa and I resumed our journey to the base. My mind was occupied with what took place at the Dolmo la pass.  “He is Shiva”, “She is Shakti” - I kept repeating this to myself as I crossed any male or female. I felt a sense of awe at the revelation though I knew well that unless I could translate this experience to an everyday approach with people known and close to me in my world, it would be of little use.

Walking along, at one point I found myself alone. There was no human presence in front or behind me as far as the eyes could see. Am I on the right path? Did I lose my way? Our guides, during a presentation in our hotel in Nepal mentioned to us that they have witnessed during the numerous koras that if a devotee finds himself alone and is overwhelmed or fearful of having lost their way, a mountain dog will fall in step with the devotee and give him company till some other human comes in sight. I was in for a surprise.

Somewhere along my path, a beautiful, fluffy and rather large rabbit hopped out of the grassy greens onto the path and began hopping in front of me. Its luxurious fur was brown and pure white in colour. The funny thing is it acted curious as well as cautious of me and would hop in front and then stop at a distance, look behind, wait for me to catch up and then hop again as if I was trying to catch it. This drama was very enjoyable. I marvelled at how and why this little creature choose to give me company. Soon it left as abruptly as it had appeared. When I looked in the distance, sure enough I saw my sherpa sitting on a distant rock waiting for me.

The never-ending journey continued and finally - Home Base! Or so I thought finding two of our sherpas sitting casually conversing with one another. But they informed me that our base was yet 30 mins away. They had been sent with some tea to serve us as refreshment knowing that we were walking and shooting our film at the same time and would be exhausted. I was deeply touched at the gesture and relished the 2 teas - a masala chai and a ginger flavour, much favoured by most in our group. We shared the tea with other few pilgrims - the Shivas and the Shaktis, as they crossed us by. Our journey resumed. It was getting dark. A few laborious steps more and we were finally Home!

I was completely drained. A friend called out my name. I could see the bright smile on her face as she greeted me with an embrace knowing I had done the arduous second day of the Kora on foot. So numb was I that I was hardly conscious of my body or the embrace but became aware of something else. 

Even in that fatigued state, I felt a warm tingly sensation at the heart region. Almost like a low voltage current flowing into my heart from her heart like a gushing stream of light. It was such an astonishing experience. At first I thought that it had something to do with her and that she must be an elevated soul to be able to do this. But after her around 7-8 more friends and fellow Kailash pilgrims embraced me and the feeling of this stream of light flowing to and fro my heart kept growing. I realised the scriptural truth behind the science of an embrace. The purpose of an embrace is to connect the heart chakras of two souls. It is spiritually the highest form of gesture to show love. Thus it is that when Sri Rama wanted to show His love for Hanuman, He embraced Him. Perhaps my numb state of body permitted me to recognise this subtle exchange which is otherwise lost to us in our gross body awareness. In the region of Kailash such experiences and awareness was effortlessly possible.

Connecting the heart Chakra - Hugging Mohanji @ Mansarovar

The leader of our group, a saintly figure - Mohanji, who had been keeping us spiritually oriented on this journey, asked for us. We greeted him as he kindly spoke to us and blessed us for our efforts. Skipping dinner, I crashed upon the first bed available, set up in a humble and rustic cowshed. A friend came over and kindly massaged my head, given the constant headache one feels in the high altitude. I fell asleep immediately and then had the experience which was the crowning glory of my trip.

Just a night before we had had the privilege of sleeping very close to the most visible part of Mt Kailash, the north face. This night in my dreams I had a visitation of the embodiment of Shiva Shakti. As I slept, I found Baba appear in my dream, in a very young and handsome form looking intently at me with a smile on his face which seemed to say “So, you did it!” I hurriedly approach Him to greet Him and He loving patted my cheeks as He use to in my days with Him in Trayee Brindavan. I woke up the next day still feeling the gentle sting of His pat on my cheek. The dream soared my spirits as I readied my tired body for the last days trek.

Before I began, I realised that this was the last day of this journey around Kailash. In my attempt to overcome the obstacles of the journey, I (and i guess most of us) had forgotten to enjoy the journey itself. So this day I decided to take it easy as the last day was an easy walk  compared to other days. 

I walked my path more in awareness of the mountains, streams, the flora and fauna, the beautiful blue skies and nature around me. I stopped every now and then and lay on the grassy mound looking at the sky, feeling the sun, closing my eyes, breathing the air, listening to the awesome silence. The beauty around me was breathtaking. The thought of leaving this paradise was depressing; going back to the chaotic world seemed like entering darkness.

  

Sitting on the grounds, soaking in Kailash - 3rd day of Kora

I walked even slower fearing the end would come soon. At this stage the Kailash was no longer visible to the eye, though its presence was strongly felt. Knowing the end to be near, I stopped and faced the sacred mountain, went on my knees and tried to connect with the same divine energy which had so generously made itself available yesterday. I prayed deeply asking it to keep me here with it, that this felt like home. The thought of the world with all its agendas seemed repulsive. I pleaded like a child. 

In an instant that energy in all its strength was there once again. In a fatherly way it declared -

“Why fear the darkness of the world, for now each of you carry the light of Kailash within. Know that light to be within you always and spread it to all until you realise not else but the light that you truly are!”

Once again the image of a golden Kailash seemed to impress upon my consciousness. I understood that geography had no bearing on the truth. That the truth was within me and it was for me to realise it wherever divine providence had placed me. Deeply uplifted I walked along reaching the end of my most blessed journey.

At the end of my sacred adventure,, with 86 other Gods and Goddesses

Truth be told, a small part of me doubted my experiences. I wondered if the high mountain airs and my tiredness caused me to hallucinate. I did not share any of these experiences with anyone, holding it deep within me revisiting it again and again to see if its impact on me lost its power with time. But even with passing time, I still felt the awe recalling what I had experienced, and never could shrug it off as my imagination. Eventually my everyday life overwhelmed my mind and I lost awareness of the sacred message... until the mountains drew me to them and gave me this message yet again; this time in …

Badrinath Temple, July 2015

A temple is a mirror reflecting  God within each one of us..

As I sat at the foot of the sanctum sanctorum, absorbing the wisdom that I was graced with, I decided to put things to one final test.

Throughout this journey I was carrying prayer requests on behalf of acquaintances who were suffering various challenges in life. In all my prayers I was not able to successfully let go and surrender these requests to God. They would remain with me, worry me and bear heavy on my being. So, I thought, if my experience in this temple was true, then I should be able to pray on behalf of all those people and at the end get up feeling light and relieved, convinced that my prayers were heard and that all those people would be taken care of.

With that, I closed my eyes and one by one remembered those in need, putting their prayers forward to the divine presence that I could tangibly feel. Unlike other times, this time I did receive a response.

As I visualised the person I prayed for, surrendering him or her to God, I saw a bright light emerging from their heart, expanding and overwhelming their being to an extent that the person himself was lost in its sea of brightness. This pure light was full of strength, wisdom, love and optimism. No amount of doubts could shrug off this image from my mind. It was a very encouraging and heartening sight. I tried to see where the problems of the person were in face of this light. To my surprise, I could see they still existed, even though in a very minuscule form, although it was easy to know that the light could overwhelm the darkness easily.. yet it remained. I realised that the problems and issues in form of this darkness, had its place and karmic purpose in the lives of those peoples. 

The Light ~ around you, within you, is you..

  

Yet again an inner voice explained -

“This is the true state of every being in this world. Darkness co-exists with light. Humans focus only on the little darkness that they have invited into their lives; whereas Saints, who are awaken to truth, focus solely on the light which is their true nature. It is for this reason that Saints can cross through this difficult world unconcerned with all the troubles and obstacles that confront them. They choose to live in awareness of the truth that they were, are and ever will be sustained and protected by the light of God which is ever within them around them and is them. This is your truth too and of all the people you pray for.”

I opened my eyes and looked into the sanctum sanctorum. This time to my joy I felt relieved of the burden that I had been carrying around with me. I felt my prayers had been heard and all those people would be taken care of in a way which was for their highest good. I quickly bowed to the alter, made a small offering and got up in order to give way to others in the vast crowds behind me. 

The Unexpected Grace - The Tulsi garland

“Hey Boy”, a voice called me from behind. As I turned, the priest from within the sanctum flung something at me which I had seen him remove from the idol of Sri Badrinath. I caught it and found it was a garland of tulsi leaves which until sometime ago was adorning the handsome form of the idol. Considering this unexpected grace and most precious of prasad as a further proof of the inner communion of the day, I left the temple.

From that day, I tried not to focus on physical darshan of the sacred vigraha in the temple. Sometimes when it was crowded, I sat outside by the side of the temple, meditating upon the Badri form within me. At other times I found myself accompanying those guests who were privileged to receive an invitation to witness the early morning abhishekam within the temple. 

Thats me in the corner - Finding my religion

I knew well that this experience was not the end, but a beginning. The real challenge would now be to live it daily. If maya confronts me with its charms would I be able to remember the presence of the light within me?

A year has now passed and I have fallen and risen many times. Its been nearly 11 months since I wrote the first part of this blog. Frankly, this blog has not revealed anything new under the sun. I am convinced that many souls visiting this sacred realm have experienced such grace in greater measures. And yet I was unsure if I should reveal these experiences at all.. but I have, knowing it to be the truth. 

God is around you, within you, is you, here and now, if you choose to accept this reality as your own. This truth and blessing belongs to everyone. And so I write these words sharing them with you, while sitting at the sacred Mt. Kailash and Badrinath…. The Kailash and Badri in the Heart!

Post Script ~

A few days after my writing this post, I chanced upon the following extracts from a book of spiritual experiences that I was reading. Quote -

"..during meditations, I started receiving very clear messages in form of thoughts. Initially I had great difficulty describing my experience. Since I was not hearing a voice through my ears and I was not seeing a person talking I couldn't tell exactly what was happening where the information was coming from. After several attempts I was able to describe it as a thought in my own mind, but it definitely was not my own thought because some of the things I heard I can hardly comprehend leave out being able to think about them on my own. Though it was not a voice that is normally heard by ears but it gave a voice like feeling. I was able to tell the gender of the voice. from the fluctuations in the tone I could also tell whether it sounded happy, serious or joking etc."

On Healing - " God is in every person. God does not suffer. There is no suffering of the Atman. It is the mind and body when not controlled that goes through sufferings. Sufferings are also due to Prarabdha Karma."

It seemed as if this was brought to my attention to confirm my own experiences, since I was very hesitant to bring it out in the blog. 

In the Heart - 1

It began with a call I received late one night. 

“Do you think you can come to Badrinath? By Swami’s grace we are conducting an Athi Rudra Maha yagna there.. It will be an event worth capturing.”

A month later I found myself yet again in the deeps and highs of my beloved Himalayas. 

Badrinath, 10170 ft, Himalayas

The sacredness, purity and cool airs of the mighty mountains took me back a year when I found myself at the feet of Lord Shiva at Kailash. This year it was Sri Vishnu who had summoned me to His abode to celebrate a Rudra yagna.

Like all grand sacred events, this one too welcomed us with a shower of rain. A fall of a drop and the temperature sinks to freezing cold. The Yagna fire caused warmth in the heart for more than one reason. Listening to the Rudra mantras and moving amongst heat generated by the 11 yagnakundas can cause the consciousness to elevate beyond measure as the mind becomes a mute spectator, bedazzled by the purity of the occasion.

And yet there was something which caused me deep concern. I had not come alone, but was carrying with me various prayer requests to be offered to the Lord on behalf of various friends and people known to me closely, who were assailed by numerous problems- the sickness of a child, a wife concerned about her husbands health, a sweet lady bearing numerous pains in her failing body, a beautiful couple distraught at the state of their handsome little son considered abnormal by societal standards, friends carrying social/marital problems and others. Thinking about these issue bore heavy on my state of being. The high state of consciousness experienced in the yagna shala during the day was offset by the low feeling of gloom that I felt in the evening as I pondered over these issues. 

I tried to surrender these urgent requests during my meditations but they returned and would always loom on my mind. With problems like these, the world seemed a heavy place to live in. I just couldn't let go of these thoughts. A state of semi-depression persisted.

Part of the Yagna blessings was that the temple authorities of Badrinath had graciously permitted us to chant the Sri Vishnusahasranama in the temple precincts. 

On one such evening after the chanting and the deep meditation that followed, I entered the temple to have my first glimpse of Lord Badri Vishal as He is referred to in those regions.  Like all major temples of India this one too was over crowded with people. Each person was trying his/her best to get a glimpse of the presiding deity. Naturally there was a degree of pushing and shoving and unfair tactics at play. Any state of calm, gathered in the meditation was lost as I tried my best to crane and stretch and steal a glimpse of the Vigraha. It suddenly occurred to me as to how we were behaving. I wondered what use there is of travelling thousands of miles to these remote regions and then to jostle and push through crowds to see the divine? Where is the devotion, the discipline? To what end do I wish to see the form of the Lord given the chaos in my mind? 

Perhaps if I removed myself from the temple, the others would find at least some more space to enjoy the darshan. With this thought I mentally bowed before Lord Badri, and began making my way out through the crowd towards the exit.

The Divine had other plans.

One of our chief priests, Sri Sekhar who was within the barricades guiding and explaining the devotees the history of the temple, saw me and motioned me to come within. Not too sure, I decided to go with the flow and made my way in. There was no crowd here. I could sit at the boundary of the door to the inner sanctum, the closest one could get, with an uninterrupted view of the divine figure.

I held my gaze one pointedly on the diamond eyes of the Lord, and continued thinking that to what end do we come to these temples? If God is within me why do I travel distances to see Him in numerous forms? Is this a delusion too? 

Amidst these troubling thoughts, I suddenly found the presence of a clear light within, coming from the sanctum sanctorum in form of an intuitive understanding. An unspoken voice expressed:

“Temples such as these have a role to play in the divine human drama. These temples act as mirrors. When a devotee stands humbly before the altar, it reflects back the divinity within each of us. It shows the devotee the presence of the divine in the sanctum sanctorum of his heart, for that is where God has always truly been. But man has forgotten. The temples remind him. Is this not the reason why when a devotee after travelling miles, comes to a temple and  beholding the idol with his eyes, he then closes them and journeys within?

“In a temple, more than darshans of the divine with the eyes, one should have an inner attunement with the heart. Attune with devotion. Why worry about the crowds? Maya has its role to play, even in a temple. It disturbs your attention with crowds of people in the outer world and crowds of restless thoughts in the inner world. Be undisturbed, be even. Since ages humans have come to this temple to learn the truth that the real Badri is within.. in each and every one of you. If you understand this simple truth, then know your journey to be blessed and fulfilled!”

As I grasped what I received, I had goosebumps. This was not the first time I was hearing these words. I had heard them before, in similar circumstances, at the same time - one year back, from the same source - at Mt. Kailash.

Day 2, Dolmo La Pass, 18471 ft, Mt Kailash

All my preparations at the physical and mental level had lead me to this hour. And it had failed me. 

Sheer fatigue overwhelmed my being as I climbed the seemingly unclimbable Dolmo la pass. I began regretting wanting to do the whole pradakshina on foot. I began regretting not taking the allopathic medicines to attune to the altitude. Summoning my last reserve of energy I finally climbed the top. After taking deep breaths of the low oxygen air I asked my sherpa “So this is it!” He looked at me pitifully and turning his head right he pointed towards the sky. I looked at the direction to see a peak and an ant like formation of humans who were laboriously climbing it. That was my destination.

View en-route the Dolmo La Pass

I choose not to elaborate the battle I fought with every step I took. For the first time in my life my body had failed me. My sense of devotion was gone. I was no longer chanting the mantra that I had received in my meditations* to be chanted during the kora. I was angry at Shiva (Auspiciousness) and Shakti (Divine Energy) for I was convinced they had forsaken me. There were others like me who were struggling on foot. But the locals were indefatigable. Old, almost ancient tibetan women in their 60’s and 70’s passed me by carrying children on their back, giving me their wrinkly smiles of encouragement. Some patted me on my back, some said words of encouragement in their dialect, others dug into their bag and gave me herbs which they said would help me. 

One step after the other, I finally reached the summit of my journey - The Dolmo la Pass, 18471 ft above sea level. As I crashed upon the nearby inviting rock, I closed my eyes and let go of my body and mind and became nothingness. Let me state in no uncertain words that I was not meditating or praying. I was purely tired. 

Moments passed and then it happened.

In the quietness of my being, I felt an unmistakable presence of a pure energy. Like a sharp ray of light in a dark cave, I heard its intuitive message of light beam into my being uninvited, and its unspoken message became part of my deeper understanding.  

It conveyed to the effect:

“You have been summoned, thousands of miles away from your home to these parts to impress upon you a single truth. The Kailash you always sought, is within you. The Shiva and Shakti principle is within you, and within every single human you encounter in life. If you assimilate and make this truth your own, then know that you have received from Kailash the highest one can receive and know your journey to be a success.” 

The vision of a golden Kailash flashed in my inner being and impressed itself on me.

I opened my eyes.  My tiredness prevented any elation. I became withdrawn as I got up and continued my descent from the peak into the second part of my journey. No longer did I focus on my tired limbs and walked robot like one step after the other in what seemed like an endless journey towards my base. My mind went over and over what I had experienced as I checked and rechecked if I had been hallucinating. But my mind seemed to be in a coma and refused to think let alone create such a profound experience. Above all I had felt the presence within. It was vibrating in my being. 

Any trace of doubts that I had, would be removed that night when I was blessed with a vision of Shiva - Shakti.

To be continued..

*Note : Prior to my kora I was dwelling on what mantra to chant through the kora - the sacred - Om Namah Shivaya, or the shorter - Shivoham, both of which carried the same meaning. In one of my meditations, in my hotel room in Nepal I surrendered this query to God hoping I will receive His will in some sign or form. To my surprise, I received an instant reply. It wasnt either of the mantras, it was a third mantra - Samastha Loka Sukhino Bhavantu. This was what I was suppose to chant during the kora.

I wasn't up for it.. i protested that this was my first trip to Kailash. "Let this trip be about You and me, lets keep the lokas out of it. I can chant that anytime else." But the clarity with which this mantra persisted told me that this was divine will. An understanding came that God, the lokas and I were not separate. Let my blessing be a blessing for all and so I gratefully accepted this as my mantra for the Pradakshina.

Related Posts ~

In the Heart - 2

An Encounter at Neelkanth

The Majestic Neelkanth

Whilst returning from an excursion to the Neelkanth mountain, I met a sadhu on the way. I offered my pranams (salutations) which he returned with a smile. He had a small piece of papad in his hand. He said "Son will you accept this papad?" I replied "Maharaj will you accept a chocolate". He smiled and agreed and we made our exchange.

"Come to yonder house for a cup of tea," he said pointing to a humble dwelling amidst the breathtaking setting. His mannerism was friendly as if he were a close acquaintance. My two companions and I could not refuse and we made our way towards his house.

The outer walls to his house was a mere formality for a boundary. In a setting of beautiful wild flowers carelessly growing in the empty spaces on all three sides of his house, we sat on rustic makeshift chairs.

As we conversed he gave us a highlight of his life prior to coming to these parts of the Himalayas. 
"I was from Rajasthan. Without a Guru, purely through Aakashwani (Inner guidance) have I been led through my spiritual life. The voice has led me through many extraordinary experiences both good and bad yet each benefitting me on my path."

"Please tell us about the Masters one hears about in these regions!" I asked.

"Masters indeed there are many, but they shy away from human gaze. Often it is more for the comfort of people then their own love of solitude that Masters will remain hidden from sight."

"Yet to those that dwell in these rarified regions, coming across such beings who often take the form of light, is not that difficult."

"A few days back a family known to me, came to my house with the intent to serve me. Many days passed when they complained - 'Sir, we have been serving you for so long, how is it that we have not been able to witness some divine sights known to be amply present in these regions. 'I laughed and replied - 'Dear Ones, I can say the same that since your arrival, I too have been bereft of visitation of Masters.'

"'That cannot be,' they protested.. 'We are here undertaking a holy cause of serving you. As per the scriptures, by virtue of this act alone we should be considered worthy of Divine grace.'

"'Look, what is that ..' one of them suddenly exclaimed. I looked out to
witness 2 celestial lights traveling in the air at very close quarters to us in the chill of the night. One light disappeared and the other descended at a distance of about 200 meters from my house. This is the closest I had seen such a light coming towards my dwelling place.

"'Wait here,' I commanded them, as I carried a lantern and made my way through the bitter winds of the Himalayan night, much to their protest. Walking along I came to the cliff where the light had descended and was pleasantly surprised to see there a young monk in white clothes. I enquired 'Maharaj, who are you and what are you doing here so late in the night?'

"The mendicant replied in a distant tone 'Greetings Maharaj, I am a seeker who came to the Neelkanth mountain many days ago. As I sat in a meditative state, I slipped in a deep state of consciousness and have only emerged out of it now - many days later.'

"'Sir, you must be famished. Kindly come to my house a few steps away, where I can serve you some rotis made tonight along with a dal made this afternoon. I will heat it and serve you quickly.'

"'You need not heat the food, what you offer will suffice,' replied the mendicant as the two made their way to the house."

"After I served him the meal, he insisted on leaving immediately and stepped out. I came after him to show him some light but watched him take a light form himself and he vanished through the air."

The sadhu then spoke in general. "We are all seekers at the end of the day - you are seeking God to as much as I; only I have decided to give my quest more time then perhaps you can."

"Tell me Maharaj," I asked "How easy it is to control the restless mind, while living in these pristine regions. Surely your efforts bear richer fruits here."

The sadhu smiled frankly "I assure you, maya has its ways of keeping the mind engaged, though I must agree that these circumstances are far favorable to what one faces in the world. I am able to go deep every now and then and find divine grace more generous then at my efforts in the plains."

Ati Rudra at Badri

"Maharaj, a great Ati Rudra yagna is being conducted down by the temple. Tomorrow is the Poornahooti day. Please join us in partaking the prasad." We requested.

"Your invitation is enough. I prefer not to travel for food as the good Lord provides amply for my little needs and as a rule we try to avoid places with great crowds. But if He wills I shall come."

We offered our pranams to him, as we made our way back in the late evening to our yagnashala. We could not have the tea that he offered, but found other stories from him which warmed our soul.